How did it all get this way? Why are we living in the AGE OF RAGE?

Let's review the timeline.

To begin (with) …

The Big BANG:

Pre-Man Ape, Sasquatch, and Neanderthal (and Toaster Head) step out of a swirling miasma of moss and dead, chopped-up semi-Amphibians, crossing the Bering Straight before the Ice Age killed the Wooly Mammoth, stuck in the La Brea Tarpit (just off La Cienaga Blvd.).

Man fell when Cain killed Abel so Christ died on the Cross, then rose again from the lions den to fight the Barbarians (Huns, Vandals, VisaGoths, Genghis Kahn) but fell fighting Hannibal's elephants in the Alps, which leads us to…

1066: The Black Plague killed two-thirds of The Holy Roman Empire and 3 point perspective; The Crusaders killed two-thirds of the Ottoman Empire and found the The Dead Sea Scrolls which Gutenberg published as The Holy Bible.

The Avignon Popes fought The 100 Years War to legitimize the Dauphin while DA Vinci re-invented 3-point perspective and Shakespeare invented plot, poetry and philosophy -

Shortest Hamlet: "At least pretend you didn’t fuck my Uncle!”

Columbus and Vasco de Gama found The Fountain of Youth in St. Augustine, Florida which is the beginning of…

The Dutch leveraged Manhattan from the Indians for a song.

The British brought "witchhunts" on the Mayflower, leveraged Dutch, French'n Indians with guns, but were tarred 'n feathered at The Boston Tea Party.

Meanwhile back in Europe, Marie Antoinette said "Let them eat cake" while her head fell into the basket.

Napoleon: Short three-nippled fascist.

Washington: Our Father. Our toothless pot smoker.

(Jefferson: Chocolate Booty-Call.)

Monroe: see Napoleon.

John Quincy Adams: Toilet slave.

Andrew Jackson: broke 93 treaties with Native Americans.

Tippicanoe Harrison: did not wear a topcoat to his inauguration and died two months later.

James Polk: gallstones removed without anesthetic.

Franklin Pierce: alcoholic ( Abner Doubleday did not invent baseball in Cooperstown in 1839…a Boocock did, in St. Louis, in 1848 - the year that Manifest Destiny killed America's indigenous peoples.).

Abraham Lincoln: shot dead by John Wilkes Booth who broke his ankle while opening the door for Jim Crow - no friend of the Boococks.

Ulysses Grant: BIG alcoholic.

James Garfield: shot going to college reunion - died a month later after 147 gloveless doctors stuck their fingers into the wound.

Rutherford B. Hayes: 1st American president to take office without winning the election.

Benjamin Harrison: 2nd president to take office without winning the election.

William Mckinley: also shot going to college reunion…died two weeks later because penicillin was not invented yet.

Teddy Roosevelt: first modern President. Teddy's chosen successor:

William Howard Taft - fattest President.

Freud and Picasso ditched the comfort of 3-point perspective forever when in-bred Royalty and The Kaiser replaced the Marquis of Queensbury rules with machine guns and gas (The Great War).

Then everybody drank too much because it was against the rules; the hangover was the Great Depression.

Short on guns and money (butter), Neville Chamberlain appeased Hitler, Mussolini and Tojo so Churchill and FDR vamped until the greatest generation (my ass) saved the free world for Uncle Joe (Stalin) and Mao to build a wall around.

Black like Elvis vs. White like Ike vs. Brown vs. Board of Education vs. Fulgencio Batista vs. Fidel Castro vs. JFK vs. Nikita Kruschev's shoe.

The Military Industrial Complex, J.Edgar Hoover and Kicked Tricky Dick with the big chip killed Jack, RFK, MLK, LBJ;

Gimme Shelter and Helter Skelter ended The Beatles' Summer of Love, leaving us with an energy crisis that forced Pol Pot to take Cambodia back to year zero and New York Yankees pitchers Mike Kekich and Fritz Peterson to swap wives, kids, houses, dogs, boats - giving all of our parents permission to get divorced.

Gerald Ford: 3rd non-elected president told New York to drop dead until Reggie Jackson hit his three World Series homeruns into the hostage crisis and Ronald Reagan gave everybody permission to forget about the energy crisis;

Semen spackled cocktail dress retrieved from the floor of the back of the closet so that we can discredit the brightest president since Jack Kennedy. (Bill Clinton.)

Son of that same John Fitzgerald Kennedy dies in a private plane crash twenty years after John Lennon gets shot to death by a "Catcher and the Rye" reading LONE nut so that Ronald Reagan can survive his "Catcher in the Rye" reading LONE nut to destroy 50 years of progressive inroads towards a remotely humane and enlightened world.

That overdue bill is being paid (by what is left of the middle class) to Bush II…the 4th non-elected President, who was appointed by the judicial branch - who were appointed by Bush I, using an electoral clause (written in 1789 and opposed by the Boococks) that said that a slave counts for 2/5ths of a landowner.

Great.

Now you know all you need to know about the past (and why there’s so much rage). I’ve left nothing germane behind. Any gaps or cracks in your education have been caulked with this Boocock timeline.

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